James McAdams

 

Pretty on the Inside: Reddit/Ask Me Anything 

 

I write fake profiles on dating apps like POF, OkCupid, Match, and eHarmony. I’m Spider. Ask me anything: 


Q. 


I scrape the pics off social media: FB, Insta, Pinterest, Snap (you need automation scripts in this hustle),  then write at least two sentences totaling
> 20 words in their profile. I have a database of sentences I just copy/paste into, then aggregate the pics with the narrative databases 

[...]

I mean throw in generative adversarial networks (don’t ask!) and it's a virtually infinite unreal world. 


Q. 


Sure. Most-used scripts in my database: 

  • “Feed me tacos and margaritas”
  • “The water is my happy place”
  • “My Golden Rule is treat others as you wish to be treated”
  • “NO HOOKUPS, NO FUCKBOYS”
  • “I work hard and play harder;)”
  • “Relaxing at the beach with my pup, good company, and drinks”
  • “I'm a very caring person who doesn’t like investing my time/energy/love/support in those who do not reciprocate”


Q.

 

You learn very quickly how to SEO content via bullets, headings, and item lists.

 

Q. 

 

I actually love writing them. A lot of Fiverr Pros write “just ask,” they play the numbers game. But I’m a writer, like Bowie, or Courtney and Kurt, like Acker and Burroughs, like Gaga.  I make my girls real by adding lyrics to their profiles:

 

  • “She should have been a son” (Cobain)
  • “All the nobody people” (Bowie)
  • “I hate being nothing” (Acker)

 

Q.

 

Yeppers, more like all the lonely people. Eleanor Rigby, c’est moi. 

 

Q. 

 

Nobody does that Nigeria scam or I’m-a-soldier-in-Iraq-help-me-get home-thing anymore. My job is to reduce bounce rate and click-thru rate: keep people on the site, clickingclickingclicking,  the sound of the 21st century. Clickingclickingclicking:  more profiles,  more messages, more money. Analytics track this, that’s how I get paid. $1 per click. Enough for minimum payments on the surgery.

[...]

There’s tons of research out there too, like sociology, behavioral science stuff. Does that make sense?

 

Q.

 

For instance: have you noticed the rise in the Trans population in online dating? That’s me. I’ll scrape some influencer pic set and write “M→ F. Love myself better than you.”  The more people swipe through pictures of girls that are (putatively) Trans, the more they’ll dig Trans, understand it’s cool and normal. I root for them (my girls, my friends, my babies, my selves!), reading their inbox messages, thinking this guy would be good for her! 

 

Q. 

 

Yeppers!  Sometimes I think this guy would be good for me too. Lol. Hasn’t happened yet for me,  guys are so scared of the reveal. The Crying Game, haven you seen it? 

 

Q.

 

What I love about it? I control everything, inside my erected walls. I can't be bullied, can’t be hurt, I am Goddess of this world. 

Author's Bio: 

James McAdams’ debut short story collection, Ambushing the Void, has just been pre-published by Frayed Edge Press. He teaches literature at the University of South Florida, Ringling College of Art+Design, and Keep St. Pete Lit. He is Flash Fiction editor of Barren Magazine. Currently, he’s working on a novel-in-flash about the opioid epidemic, entitled The Florida Shuffle; Or My Summer in Rat Park II: A Novel-in-Flash. You can find him at jamesmcadams.org and @jamestmcadams on Twitter/Insta.