Pretty on the Inside: Reddit/Ask Me Anything
I write fake profiles on dating apps like POF, OkCupid, Match, and eHarmony. I’m Spider. Ask me anything:
I scrape the pics off social media: FB, Insta, Pinterest, Snap (you need automation scripts in this hustle), then write at least two sentences totaling > 20 words in their profile. I have a database of sentences I just copy/paste into, then aggregate the pics with the narrative databases
I mean throw in generative adversarial networks (don’t ask!) and it's a virtually infinite unreal world.
Sure. Most-used scripts in my database:
- “Feed me tacos and margaritas”
- “The water is my happy place”
- “My Golden Rule is treat others as you wish to be treated”
- “NO HOOKUPS, NO FUCKBOYS”
- “I work hard and play harder;)”
- “Relaxing at the beach with my pup, good company, and drinks”
- “I'm a very caring person who doesn’t like investing my time/energy/love/support in those who do not reciprocate”
You learn very quickly how to SEO content via bullets, headings, and item lists.
I actually love writing them. A lot of Fiverr Pros write “just ask,” they play the numbers game. But I’m a writer, like Bowie, or Courtney and Kurt, like Acker and Burroughs, like Gaga. I make my girls real by adding lyrics to their profiles:
- “She should have been a son” (Cobain)
- “All the nobody people” (Bowie)
- “I hate being nothing” (Acker)
Yeppers, more like all the lonely people. Eleanor Rigby, c’est moi.
Nobody does that Nigeria scam or I’m-a-soldier-in-Iraq-help-me-get home-thing anymore. My job is to reduce bounce rate and click-thru rate: keep people on the site, clickingclickingclicking, the sound of the 21st century. Clickingclickingclicking: more profiles, more messages, more money. Analytics track this, that’s how I get paid. $1 per click. Enough for minimum payments on the surgery.
There’s tons of research out there too, like sociology, behavioral science stuff. Does that make sense?
For instance: have you noticed the rise in the Trans population in online dating? That’s me. I’ll scrape some influencer pic set and write “M→ F. Love myself better than you.” The more people swipe through pictures of girls that are (putatively) Trans, the more they’ll dig Trans, understand it’s cool and normal. I root for them (my girls, my friends, my babies, my selves!), reading their inbox messages, thinking this guy would be good for her!
Yeppers! Sometimes I think this guy would be good for me too. Lol. Hasn’t happened yet for me, guys are so scared of the reveal. The Crying Game, haven you seen it?
What I love about it? I control everything, inside my erected walls. I can't be bullied, can’t be hurt, I am Goddess of this world.
James McAdams’ debut short story collection, Ambushing the Void, has just been pre-published by Frayed Edge Press. He teaches literature at the University of South Florida, Ringling College of Art+Design, and Keep St. Pete Lit. He is Flash Fiction editor of Barren Magazine. Currently, he’s working on a novel-in-flash about the opioid epidemic, entitled The Florida Shuffle; Or My Summer in Rat Park II: A Novel-in-Flash. You can find him at jamesmcadams.org and @jamestmcadams on Twitter/Insta.